Thoughts Before Leaving

I apologize in advance for a relatively disjointed post, but I suppose I am leaving for London. Would you really expect anything else?

This is what the morning of departure looks like: apprehensive, with just a hint of the crazy eyes. 

The main thought as I begin the final few days before leaving for London is that I'm not sure they've arrived yet. The thoughts, I mean. I'm supposed to be having thoughts of the London variety, but actually I hardly ever think about London at all.

Or maybe that isn't necessarily true.

Maybe I do think about it, but not in the way that I used to. The phase of speculating about how my life will be seems to be over, as does the phase of idealizing the way things will be. I'm done imagining scenarios in which I get off the plane and first person I meet ends up being my future best friend or something. I no longer fantasize about meeting my favorite British celebrities. I also now understand that my academic life won't actually consist of a movie-esque "studying" montage, ending with me receiving an award for Year's Most Brilliant Master's Thesis. No, these thoughts don't really turn up much anymore.

Now when I think about London, it takes the form of thoughts like: what bank should I choose? Are these shoes actually worth packing? Can I afford this? (No.) Do I have any idea how to get to my flat? (Again, no.) Is this a good idea? (I certainly hope so.)

Another common thought: I would like to be a college freshman again. Then I remind myself that - apart from being older and having better hair and immediate plans to move to another country - I'm in essentially the same position as I was four years ago. I'm starting over, just as I was then, and everything that now brings forth these feeling of nostalgia was, at that point, a total unknown. All the people I was about to meet, all the things I was about to do - I couldn't even conceive of them as we drove the hour and a half from my hometown to Ann Arbor, and I cried the whole time.

So far I haven't cried once about the impending London trip, and I'm not even feeling particularly nervous. If there's going to be fear, it generally sets in late at night and is always accompanied by these images of me wandering lost around London with more luggage than I can handle. Then I force myself to think about something else.

UPDATE (on the morning of departure): Well, I cried, but then I got through the part where I had to say goodbye to my family and remembered that I still have a working knowledge of how to be a self-sufficient grown-up. I mean, sort of. There is still a 50/50 chance that I will have a breakdown at the airport (sadly, this had happened before). Possible breakdown aside, I think I'm fine.

There's a long day of waiting ahead of me, followed by a long night of flying, followed by London.

I'm pretty sure this is a good idea.

A List of Uncertainties

1. Where specifically I will be living next year. In theory, I should be receiving pictures of potential flats so that I can give feedback, but this has not happened yet. These days I compulsively check my email, thinking each time that there will be something significant waiting in my inbox. Instead I find myself constantly sifting through (figurative) piles of spam.

2. Whether I can find a job in London. Seriously, I'll do anything just to have a source of income again. Wait, maybe not anything. Almost anything? No, that sounds dangerous, too. As a point of reference, though, a job in a coffee shop is currently my dream.

3. The extent to which I will have to decimate my beloved clothing collection when the time comes to fit everything into a surprisingly not-big-enough suitcase. You see, when I ask myself what I want to pack, my default answer is, "Everything." And then I remember that everything really isn't an option.

4. When exactly I will be leaving. Whether I can find a reasonably-priced plane ticket. What city I will be flying out of. Whether I will have any layovers (hopefully not - rushing through airports, filled with the nagging dread that I will miss my next flight absolutely terrifies me).

5. Whether I'll be happy in London. Whether I'll make friends easily. How intense the homesickness will be.
Whether I'll have an acceptable internet connection
What size my bed will be.
Where I'll do my grocery shopping.
Whether I'll be able to sustain my habit of eating excess Mexican food.

This is getting ridiculous. I'm going to stop worrying. Right now.

Wait, maybe now...

No, now. For real this time.

Grad School Application Tips

Not to sound full of myself or anything, but I think I've made quite a bit of life progress since January. Let me elaborate: I was two weeks into the second semester of my senior year of college, and I had no idea what my next step would be. I went home for a weekend under the pretense of "applying for jobs away from the distractions of school," but really I went home to freak out. I think it was midway through one of the intensest freak-out sessions that my dad suggested that I look at graduate programs in Germany. I was a German major, after all. So I did, and I think at this point I can safely say that that internet search changed my life. 

This has absolutely nothing to do with anything, but here's a donkey for your viewing pleasure. I was going to my iPhoto looking for something relevant, and, well, donkeys beat relevance.   

On the University of Hamburg's website, I found the description for their Master's of European Studies program. Coursework in international relations, politics, and European culture? Check. European location? Check. All of a sudden, this beautiful thing called a Master's of European Studies emerged from the smoldering wreckage of my "job search." And I desperately wanted one of these Master's degree things. 

I promptly abandoned the "get a job" plan in favor of the "go to grad school" plan, and during the process, I learned some things:

1. Apply to some schools that you think are basically guaranteed to take you, as well as some schools that you think would never, ever, ever take you. For me, UCL was my reach school. And guess what? I got in. Taking chances can pay off. 

2. Write a few drafts of your statement of purpose. It can take some time to settle on what you want to say, but if you're really proud of what you wrote, you'll feel slightly better during that torturous waiting period between submitting your applications and getting decisions from schools. 

3. Set aside some time every week to work on applications and only applications. For me this was Thursday between 10 am and 1 pm. I think this designated application time was the only reason they actually got done. 

4. If your recommenders agree to it, get pdf copies of your letters of recommendation. This way, you have them for future use. I found this to be extremely useful, since it allowed me to make additional, last-minute applications when I was panicking about not getting in anywhere. Which brings me to my next point…

5. Don’t panic. I know this sounds like empty advice, but seriously, your quality of life will be infinitely better if you at least attempt to maintain some perspective through the application process. How to maintain perspective? Always keep in mind that there are lots of things you love in life that are not at all associated with education. Listen to good music. Focus on developing new skills (mine was writing/blogging). You'll get through it. Really.

TIP: If you start the grad school application process late, like I did, it may be a good idea to look at schools abroad (assuming you're American). Their application deadlines are generally later than most American universities, AND they don't require the GRE. 

Who am I? Good question.

I'm Sarah. This is probably important. 22 years old. Equally important (in my opinion, but this is coming from the girl who, in the past week, has been mistaken for both a 25-year-old and an 18-year-old, so I'm rather protective of my actual age). For some time I was a Creative Writing Major. The capitalization is important because I thought a lot of myself back then. Then I became a German major. The capitalization has to do with proper nouns. I thought less of myself then. Not too long after officially choosing a major, I graduated. This happened precisely two months ago, and the shock still hasn't worn off. I can only deal with all these life changes by assuring myself that I don't have to be a grown-up yet. No, I'll get my Master's first (is that capitalization even correct?).

This is me. Being stupid. I know it seems egotistical to include too many pictures of yourself in blogs, but people like to know what the people they're reading about look like. I think. At least I do. Hence the picture. 

Which brings me to my next point... Yes, I am a Master's student. Well, sort of. I haven't officially started yet. But in the fall, oh yeah, I'll be a Master's student at University College London, studying European Studies. Studying the studies. Well, obviously.

Anyway, the point of this blog is to write about living in London, being a grad student (postgraduate student, whichever terminology you prefer) and just general life things, most of which will be related to being a grad student/living in London. I expect my family to read this. If you're not a relative of mine, then that is very exciting for me. It means I have an audience. An audience... Cue reverie.